


His Smile, Burnt Into My Mind

by ElOhElk



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Also a shitty title gosh, Angst, Bad Writing, Eventual Smut, Fluff, I don't know Tadashi's death really hurt me and so I started this while being sad about it and yeah, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Pain, Pretentious, SO SAD, Sad Hiro, Shitty plot, So many commas, This apparently, fight me, honestly what is this, i don't know what happened, just kidding, probably not what you're thinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3171718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElOhElk/pseuds/ElOhElk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Shock, denial, guilt. The words came with starched white coats and blank eyes, faces twisted into ugly sympathy as they expressed halfhearted condolences.’</p><p>I honestly don't know what this is thus I cannot summarise it. But hey, take a chance, maybe you'll like it. Maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Piercing silence ringing in his ears. Rough cotton of a hat beneath his fingers. Searing heat that seemed to envelope his whole body. None Hiro remembers clearest than the unfathomable sorrow that shakes his core when he realises he'll never see Tadashi smile again...

He remembers sirens, shouting, a tear soaked shoulder as his Aunt embraced him tightly. Some people spoke to him later, asked questions he didn't know how to answer, questions he didn't understand. He remembers - a day or so later, he thinks - them talking in hushed whispers down stairs, maybe thinking he couldn't hear, or just not caring. Shock, denial, guilt. The words came with starched white coats and blank eyes, faces twisted into ugly sympathy as they expressed halfhearted condolences. It didn't matter, it was all white noise, so he didn't bother thinking about it much now. Not as day seemed to fade into night with a slow blink of his eyes, not when stars rolled over, reminding him that the world kept turning despite his halted one. 

He tried to feel bad when Aunt Cass begged him to speak, and he supposes some part of him wanted to; but what was the point in talking when he didn't know what to say. He couldn't lie because he didn't know the truth. She eventually left like the rest did. He knows they tried and didn't blame them. 

For once in Hiro's life he couldn't explain something. He couldn't pull it apart and piece it back together, there was no analysation, nothing to be found in a dusty old textbook. 

So he waited, waited and watched the stars pass and let his eyes blink until they felt heavy, until his chest stuttered in its attempt to breathe whilst every thought seemed to pierce another hole through him. Eventually he wasn't even sure if he still existed in this raggedy body. 

It was a fair experiment, he reasoned, as he dragged brilliant, shining metal across his arm, his leg, his stomach. Human parts, his human proof, that bled with contempt and sharp reality. 

Soon after he lets the blackness happen; welcomes it's spindly embrace and all the demons that drag him deeper. It's okay though, because here at least he gets to see Tadashi smile once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's short, I apologise.

He's pulled back into painful consciousness by a hacking cough that shakes his body violently until he curls up, desperately trying to breathe. A quiet realisation trickles into the forefront of Hiro's mind and he realises this is the first time he's tried to breathe since Tadashi. He hates it -- immediately lets go as the violent shake of his weakened body takes over. Eventually however, it calms down, and he's left staring at dust particles that dance through light desperately leaking out of the cracks in his blinds. 

Without the wracking cough he takes notice of how everything hurts. There's a dull ache from the gashes littering Hiro's pale skin and the ever present pain inside of him, stretching through his limbs and digging into his bones, drowning his heart and crushing his soul. It hurts and there is no remedy to be found in a first aid kit or bottle of pills to cure this pain. Warm tears splash his torn thighs, making the wounds sting harshly. He doesn't deserve to cry, so he pinches his skin until it starts to bruise -- but it does the job and the tears stop.   
He's weak, Hiro knows that. He knows it was his fault. He should've stopped Tadashi. Tried harder. Tadashi wouldn't have ever let Hiro go...  
No, Tadashi was always there for him, protected him, spoiled him, and now with him gone Hiro realises how much of himself was in Tadashi. How much he depended on his big brother. 

A tired sigh breaks the silence shrouding the dark room. Hiro wishes he would try, he wishes he could stop hurting others, his friends, Aunt Cass -- but he didn't have the emotional strength to care for himself, let alone them. He supposes he never did. Whenever he'd given up it was Tadashi that inspired him, whenever he was sad or moody, Tadashi dropped everything to cheer him up. It was all Tadashi, always Tadashi keeping them together.   
A warm ache fills him when Hiro realises without Tadashi he didn't exist. It was comforting in a way -- to know that with Tadashi gone Hiro was practically gone too. It reminded him of the bond they had. He wouldn't be missed, not as he is now. They'll miss the Tadashi-Hiro, not this pathetic boy. 

So, decided, he stumbles into some soft clothes and fumbles with his shoe laces. He sneaks past Aunt Cass' room after kissing Mochi on the head, although he supposes he shouldn't have worried so much, seeing as everybody gave up hoping Hiro would ever leave his room. With a light tinkle from the bell, the café door shuts behind him.   
Suddenly the wonderful, bright, place he grew up in now seems very big and very dark, dauntingly so. As cool air sinks into his bones and rain tickles exposed skin, Hiro pushes on, familiar cap gripped close.

**Author's Note:**

> So there's that. Not sure if I'll continue it, I mean I want to but that requires a good plot, smart writing and commitment, three things I'm instantly lacking. It just depends on the response. I'm not looking for tens of praising comments, just a single enthusiastic, motivational, heart felt plea to continue. Yes I'm selfish and arrogant. Stay awesome ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> P.s. Please excuse any mistakes and pretty please tell me about them.


End file.
